Sunday, April 8, 2012

Blessed Easter to All

Greetings on this wonderful day of Resurrection –

..... as we find ourselves in the throes of time yet also beyond time in the eternal NOW.... ever beyond the limitations of this transient plane.... walking amongst those ever caught up in the webs of their own makings... ever gratefully free by the hand of God.... we are most fortunate of men to have been delivered by our devotion and love.... by our search and sacrifice for Truth....

we have faced the death of self and rose to the life of the Divine

Awareness.... now where do we go? we go just where we are....

we remain just who we are..... open ever to the moving hand of the universal consciousness which guides and directs our paths..... resting in THAT ever present Divine Love.... the Bliss which unfolds when we let go of all our limited desires.....

Christ manifests each day beyond the mind of limitations.....

the words and the mind of Christ come when we are the stillness.....

Oh blessed life....

oh blessed death wear is your sting?

in death is resurrection and ALL dies to be reborn within this transient

plane..... people - ideations - ideals - plans etc....

all go through the cycles of birth - growth - maturity - death and

re-birth.... again and again.....

ever progressing forward.....

we are fortunate to be able to share that ever present truth with those that

divine providence puts within our path.....

it matters not whether i speak in terms of Advaita....

or in terms of the Christian Mystic....

it matters not whether i speak in the pregnant void of the Buddhist....

Truth remains truth....

crossing all mans boundaries....

all mans divisionary dogmatic undertakings....

We move as God directs...

ever in joyous union with THAT Divine Being beyond individualized

personality of mans illusions......

It is sad to see Christ limited to a religious persuasion....

stuffed into a neat little package of do's and don'ts....

a religious icon and pushed into a dogmatic corner.

To go from being the rebellious son (of mankind) that spoke out

against the church persuasions and dogmas of man with the

pure Truth of liberation for mankind.... to now be so

mis-understood.... to be pushed into the very corner that he

spoke out so vehemently against... This is a sad state of

affairs.... so may we my dear heart walk as a testimony to the

liberation found within...... the kingdom of heaven prevails.....

may we move in that kingdom on earth.... as it IS ........

Love and Blessings on this Easter morning.......

Since it is Easter morning it is a good time to take a quick look

at Christ and his message. What did he speak ?

1. Love - to love one another

if one is truly coming from the heart there will be no law

against him. love binds wounds it doesn't create them.

love is not mocking , arrogant, nor unkind. love gives of

itself without thought of reward.

if i speak with the tongue of angels and have not love i am

as a sounding brass. so a good indicator is does it come

from compassion and grace or not.

2. It is here now. he didn't speak of a far off heaven, he said

heaven is at hand. heaven and hell are states of mind.

not places in the universe although like minds will

congregate together on the other side which indeed would

translate to a heaven or hell or purgatory.

3. there is no death. he came to say and show that death is

an illusion.

4. if you want to get out of suffering then go and sin no more.

sin was an activity of body and mind if you want out of the

mire then don't chase it. he said basically go and sin no

more in other words drop it and walk away.

5. he hung out with the suffering why? he said the well have

no need of a physician.

why? the ones who are ill are usually

the ones ready to seek those that think they already have it

hear nothing but remain caught in their desires and pain.

not willing to give up anything they gather then cling to the

gathering. it creates a want for more and the cycle is

endless. always trying to fill a hole only creates a deeper

hole. Self Enquiry can show the fallacy of the hole until only

a Whole remains.

6. he showed a life of living truth and ethics with compassion.

7. he said if you have seen me you have seen the father that

sent me.

in other words i am the embodiment of that

perfection. love, compassion, honesty, ethics , but make

no mistake his words were not always honeyed although

honest they were not brutal but on occasions could cut right

to the core and heart of it just as it was.

8. let the dead bury the dead . what was that about ?

those that are caught in their life will hear nothing - it is

useless basically he said don't go back to a useless

situation of being caught you come with me.

there is a way out but only if you have ears to hear and

eyes to see .

his message was that of liberation Now not in some far off

time. it was of love and surrender . it was of life, truth,

compassion. he said what i am you are. what i have done you

can do. anyone can come to God directly as there is no

separation this was clear with also the statement of i and the

father are ONE. Self Realization is this One.

Death leads to resurrection. it cannot be reborn from matter to

spirit unless it first dies. in other words completed man would

be born of water and spirit . Self Realization is to be done while

in the flesh . Death comes and rebirth to liberation and One

remains. Whole not hole.

Blessed Easter to All.

These are simply basics and not word for word but simply to get

an overall feel. it is simply to refresh the feeling of the message

he was attempting to share - it is just as valid today as then.

OM Shanti

Reprinted - April 13, 2009 Razor’s Edge

Monday, September 19, 2011

constructing self worth or living from Self Worth ?

Namaste -

Which do you have *self* worth or Self Worth? The first is
based on the mask constructed honed and held in place by an
ego that seeks the approval of society aka others for it's self worth.
While balanced and grounded Self Worth comes from the Honest
Internal Integrity that has thrown the door open to genuineness.

A constructed image has a mask of fear at it's helm and with
that there is no peace. Society may judge and eventually abandon
but genuine Self Worth has a rock solid core which is unshakeable
and freeing. How can Honesty, Integrity, and Transparency that is
genuinely held to and walked lead to anything other than a freeing
up from the demons of a falsely constructed * self worth*.

When one rather seeks the approval of society based on an *image*
one is attempting to put forward as a false front and trying to hold
as a mask to the world then one is entertaining the demons of
unworthiness and lack plus a whole other host of nasty uglies behind
the scenes that are driving one in an unproductive circle of hurt. SELF
Worth needs no masks as the beauty of being a Genuine Sacred Being
is shining forth within the actions of Honesty, Integrity, and Transparency
of a simplistic nature. Now talk about going green. Holistic and you just
can't get any more pure and clean than that. Talk about a breath of fresh
aire. No constrictions - No games just Reality at the helm.

If you need to protect something in a less than stellar, dishonest
manner then HOW can one say they are living freely ? How can that
one claim any SELF Worth ? Are you kidding yourself and perpetuating
pain OR are you ready to turn a corner into meeting the Genuine Sacred
Being that you can be and ARE at the core level. Time to remove the
constructs of falseness the little white lies one engages in to keep
themselves safe. As there is NO Safety in them at all they are simply a
more extended prison of falseness.

The ego can want to make its self look good on paper or with the
neighbors or go along with the popular spin that is engaged in but
comes from anything other than what stems from genuine Self Worth.

Just look at the damage such as sexual impropriety which is widely
touted as just fine in society now. Look at drinking and drugging. Look
at the *games* and movies of violence being sold to children and how
do ANY of these things stem from or turn one towards genuine Self Worth.
The list is endless. The cheating your boss or turning a blind eye or self
justifying actions which one KNOWS at the core level is just simply not
coming from integrity. These things WILL grate on one and bring nothing
but suffering along with them. Do you REALLY want to continue to construct
a cycle of suffering OR are you ready to turn the corner to develop FREEDOM
and to find the key to take off the shackles you have constructed and weigh
you down ?

OM Shanti

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Sexual abuse real or fabricated ?

Guru may I ask you a question?

Namaste -
What is the question ?

Namaste the question is pertaining to childhood molestation not having a concious
memory of it --but being told that was--and having dark sexual thoughts. Is this possible?
Could ego be projecting out to people because does want to feel the emotions of molestion to heal?

So you are running your life around something that one has no direct knowledge of ?
and who has told you this thing ?

about 5 different healers

How was it BEFORE you heard this.


healers my foot.
they are perpetrators of illness

thank you

To bad
Why did you go to these *healers* to begin with ?

feared sexual illness i think was the underlying cause

* Feared * and this is based on what ?
See they took your fear and ran with it, securing a drama that had
no genuine relevance and put you in even deeper suffering ... and this is healing how ?

no Guru

No Guru what ?

its not healing

it has put you in a mindspin
it has only secured this FEAR.

i do offer counseling
for those not in florida sessions are usually done over skype

If interested in counseling you could check out WWW.LivingCure.Com
Am in the process of getting ready to write a book to revolutionize therapy.

will look into Namaste clarity much appreciated

Just don't run your life around a fear of something that has no genuine
reality. one CAN develop it into an ill-ness

there is no need to do so.
It's time to look deeper and untie the knots.
OM Shanti


Monday, May 2, 2011

Osama's Death - A planetary message


It is a great sadness to see such a celebratory nature surrounding
the killing of Osama Bin Laden. Any terrorist's anger and action comes
out of a mental illness and is it also not a mental illness to
celebrate his killing ? When is this madness going to end ?

As far as giving him a burial according to islamic custom what part
of dumping the body in the ocean is going to fly with that ? Do you
not think that this is will be seen as just another slap in the face to
the radical faction ? Do you not see that this will only serve to inflame
the situation even further that now Osama will be held up to be a
glorified Martyr and raised to an even greater status of figurehead
to fuel the fires of hatred.

What does this show the world to see many of a nation out waving
flags and celebrating his killing ? Would it not be more in alignment
to mourn another death in this back and forth killing spree ? Let's
face it all radicals are unbalanced whether the far right Christians
or the radical Muslims or the radical Jews in all they polarize
themselves and their belief systems into Us versus Them. None is
healthy and all have excluded the rest of humanity from also being
children of the One God.

Our God versus their God only shows the ignorance of understanding
there is only ONE GOD. God does not wear the mask of Christian nor
Muslim, nor Hindu, nor Buddhist nor Jew. God is beyond and prior
to mans trying to name - claim and own God as an item to be paraded
around as we are best and right. Our Bible, Our Talmud, Our Koran etc.
is the ONLY right scripture to be followed

It is more a time for humanity to GET IT. To get what ? That we are
ONE Mankind. All have the same emotions - the same wants - the
same desires. All want Freedom. All want food in their stomachs and
a roof over their head. Most want a family and to be able to have that
family prosper. What gives the right to any country to dictate what
another country has to do within it's culture ? Should we not
CELEBRATE Diversity rather than seeing it as some inherent threat ?

Yes radicals need to be taken out of the equation - they cannot be
allowed to run rampant ever fueling the fires of the ignorant sheep
minded followers. But there also needs to come education of mankind
to break the bonds and ignorance that keeps the mental spin of Us
versus Them in place. Should this not be done with more of a heavy
heart rather than celebration ? What has happened to Humanity ?
The Human has been replaced with something that has a hardened
heart that bears little resemblance to one nation Under God. Just
as the nation of israel hardened their hearts and thereby wandered
in the desert for 40 years - that generation missing out of the
promised land so does this nation and all nations need to learn
from that pointing. Do you want to wander around in the desert
of desolation or come into the promised land of peace and plenty ?
It is mankind's choice.

You create your personal Karma and the nations Karma. What is the
future that you wish to encounter ? It is in your hands.

May we mourn the deaths of those on all sides who are driven by
hatred and anger. May we mourn the deaths of all the innocents
on all sides that lose their time on this planet due to the ignorance
of hate fueled mentality, as all of this is ugly no matter which side
is the perpetrator. So much killing done in the name of righteousness
under the banner of religion. So many twisted scriptures that men
use to fuel their misdeeds to call them good. When did this Good
God full of Life and wanting to Bless suddenly become a blood
thirsty DemiGod requiring the deaths and ridged minded books of
rules that bring more bondage than liberation ? Is it not Men that
have abused God and mis spoken proclaiming themselves to be God's
mouthpiece and prophets which then turn This Life of ALL LIFE into a
seeming hater and a seeker of needing to be propitiated and appeased
in order to not send destruction ? Is it not the mental spin of mans
identifications that have mis spoken under the name of being one of
Gods prophets that have caused ridged ideologies that bear little
resemblance to Gods Nature of simply being the Life of ALL Life
and the Blessing of All Blessing.

How can mankind blame God for the wars - the polluting of the planet
the global warming - the imbalance of nature which is coming out of
mankind's greed. This is the nature of the egoist - this is what fuels
the fires of me versus them and turning a blind eye to the destruction
of this planet which is taking place day by day.

Isn't it time to WAKE UP ? Isn't it time to put away the guns and hatred
and focus on Healing the planet before all of mankind is lost due to it's
nature of greed ? Hatred needs to give way to seeking Understanding -
having compassion - coming to balance. Let mankind change from
the hardened heart to one that is seeking the BEST for ALL Life -
rather than at the expense of other.

Can this not become a time of healing rather than another excuse for even
more division ?

No matter what terrible things were done under the planning of Osama Bin Laden
still he was someones son - someones husband - someones father. They are
mourning his loss. He was lost in blind hatred who knows the reason why ? It
is a time of sadness to see those who rejoice in jubilation at any killing. When
will the killing end - when will sanity come back where mankind is seen as
Man - Kind with mutual respect and giving the right to worship God as the
One God to mankind that wears many faces and celebrates in many varied
ways ?

OM Shanti

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Nithyananda Shows his True Colors - Wake UP


Nithyananda makes light of rape charges
Maya Sharma, Updated: February 01, 2011 18:38 IST

Read more at:

May his Huge Ego bring him down...

Here is the latest out of his mouth further condemning him from being a Proclaimed
Paramhamsa to rather a devious Psychopathic personality with over the top Narcissistic
actions in full bloom.

The Godman said he was astounded by how inappropriate the rape charge was for
someone of his stature.

QUOTE: "I am shocked that people slapped a rape charge on me. It is like slapping
a Rs. 200 rupee theft charge on a president. Don't they have shame?

"People should have asked that so called rape victim - if you are being raped, why do
you go to his room again and again for 4 years?" he dared.

You can't have it two ways that the video is morphed and that he is Clearly stating that
the woman that came forward was coming to his bedroom over a period of 4 years... And
so Ranjitha is also brainwashed and deluded and continuing to lie and deny what is clearly
an obvious fact...

It goes onto say after Nithyananda made these jaw dropping statements that
Quote : His followers at the ashram clapped and cheered.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg as to how heinous his actions are and just how
blinded people that are willing to overlook such proclamations and STILL are there
chasing after him like lemmings on their way to destruction.

Let's be Clear his words can only come from one that is a full blown Narcissist.
So how to spot this type of persona ?

Here is an article on Narcissism.

0- it's a long article but describes Nithyanandas actions to a tee....

Don't walk but run in the other direction - get out don't continue to be pulled
in by his surface charms.....

The most telling thing that narcissists do is contradict themselves. They will do this virtually in the same sentence, without even stopping to take a breath. It can be trivial (e.g., about what they want for lunch) or it can be serious (e.g., about whether or not they love you). When you ask them which one they mean, they'll deny ever saying the first one, though it may literally have been only seconds since they said it -- really, how could you think they'd ever have said that? You need to have your head examined! They will contradict FACTS. They will lie to you about things that you did together. They will misquote you to yourself. If you disagree with them, they'll say you're lying, making stuff up, or are crazy. [At this point, if you're like me, you sort of panic and want to talk to anyone who will listen about what is going on: this is a healthy reaction; it's a reality check ("who's the crazy one here?"); that you're confused by the narcissist's contrariness, that you turn to another person to help you keep your bearings, that you know something is seriously wrong and worry that it might be you are all signs that you are not a narcissist]. NOTE: Normal people can behave irrationally under emotional stress -- be confused, deny things they know, get sort of paranoid, want to be babied when they're in pain. But normal people recover pretty much within an hour or two or a day or two, and, with normal people, your expressions of love and concern for their welfare will be taken to heart. They will be stabilized by your emotional and moral support. Not so with narcissists -- the surest way I know of to get a crushing blow to your heart is to tell a narcissist you love her or him. They will respond with a nasty power move, such as telling you to do things entirely their way or else be banished from them for ever. ^
If you're like me, you get into disputes with narcissists over their casual dishonesty and cruelty to other people. Trying to reform narcissists by reasoning with them or by appealing to their better nature is about as effective as spitting in the ocean. What you see is what you get: they have no better nature. The fundamental problem here is that narcissists lack empathy.
Lacking empathy is a profound disturbance to the narcissist's thinking (cognition) and feeling (affectivity). Even when very intelligent, narcissists can't reason well. One I've worked with closely does something I characterize as "analysis by eggbeater." They don't understand the meaning of what people say and they don't grasp the meaning of the written word either -- because so much of the meaning of anything we say depends on context and affect, narcissists (lacking empathy and thus lacking both context and affect) hear only the words. (Discussions with narcissists can be really weird and disconcerting; they seem to think that using some of the same words means that they are following a line of conversation or reasoning. Thus, they will go off on tangents and irrelevancies, apparently in the blithe delusion that they understand what others are talking about.) And, frankly, they don't hear all the words, either. They can pay attention only to stuff that has them in it. This is not merely a bad habit -- it's a cognitive deficiency. Narcissists pay attention only to themselves and stuff that affects them personally. However, since they don't know what other people are doing, narcissists can't judge what will affect them personally and seem never to learn that when they cause trouble they will get trouble back. They won't take other people's feelings into consideration and so they overlook the fact that other people will react with feeling when abused or exploited and that most people get really pissed off by being lied to or lied about. ^
Narcissists lack a mature conscience and seem to be restrained only by fear of being punished or of damaging their reputations -- though, again, this can be obscure to casual observation if you don't know what they think their reputations are, and what they believe others think of them may be way out of touch with reality [see remarks on John Cheever elsewhere on this page]. Their moral intelligence is about at the level of a bright five- or six-year-old; the only rules they recognize are things that have been specifically required, permitted, prohibited, or disapproved of by authority figures they know personally. Anyhow, narcissists can't be counted on not to do something just because it's wrong, illegal, or will hurt someone, as long as they think that they can get away with it or that you can't stop them or punish them (i.e., they don't care what you think unless they're afraid of you). ^
Narcissists are envious and competitive in ways that are hard to understand. For instance, one I knew once became incensed over an article published in a national magazine -- not for its content exactly, but because she could have written something just as good. Maybe she could have -- she hadn't, but that little lapse on her part was beside the point to her. They are constantly comparing themselves (and whatever they feel belongs to them, such as their children and furniture) to other people. Narcissists feel that, unless they are better than anyone else, they are worse than everybody in the whole world. ^
Narcissists are generally contemptuous of others. This seems to spring, at base, from their general lack of empathy, and it comes out as (at best) a dismissive attitude towards other people's feelings, wishes, needs, concerns, standards, property, work, etc. It is also connected to their overall negative outlook on life. ^
Narcissists are (a) extremely sensitive to personal criticism and (b) extremely critical of other people. They think that they must be seen as perfect or superior or infallible, next to god-like (if not actually divine, then sitting on the right hand of God) -- or else they are worthless. There's no middle ground of ordinary normal humanity for narcissists. They can't tolerate the least disagreement. In fact, if you say, "Please don't do that again -- it hurts," narcissists will turn around and do it again harder to prove that they were right the first time; their reasoning seems to be something like "I am a good person and can do no wrong; therefore, I didn't hurt you and you are lying about it now..." -- sorry, folks, I get lost after that. Anyhow, narcissists are habitually cruel in little ways, as well as big ones, because they're paying attention to their fantasy and not to you, but the bruises on you are REAL, not in your imagination. Thus, no matter how gently you suggest that they might do better to change their ways or get some help, they will react in one of two equally horrible ways: they will attack or they will withdraw. Be wary of wandering into this dragon's cave -- narcissists will say ANYTHING, they will trash anyone in their own self-justification, and then they will expect the immediate restoration of the status quo. They will attack you (sometimes physically) and spew a load of bile, insult, abuse, contempt, threats, etc., and then -- well, it's kind of like they had indigestion and the vicious tirade worked like a burp: "There. Now I feel better. Where were we?" They feel better, so they expect you to feel better, too. They will say you are nothing, worthless, and turn around immediately and say that they love you. When you object to this kind of treatment, they will say, "You just have to accept me the way I am. (God made me this way, so God loves me even if you are too stupid to understand how special I am.)" Accepting them as they are (and staying away from them entirely) is excellent advice. The other "punishment" narcissists mete out is banishing you from their glorious presence -- this can turn into a farce, since by this point you are probably praying to be rescued, "Dear God! How do I get out of this?" The narcissist expects that you will be devastated by the withdrawal of her/his divine attention, so that after a while -- a few weeks or months (i.e., the next time the narcissist needs to use you for something) -- the narcissist will expect you to have learned your lesson and be eager to return to the fold. If you have learned your lesson, you won't answer that call. They can't see that they have a problem; it's always somebody else who has the problem and needs to change. Therapies work at all only when the individual wants to change and, though narcissists hate their real selves, they don't want to change -- they want the world to change. And they criticize, gripe, and complain about almost everything and almost everyone almost all the time. There are usually a favored few whom narcissists regard as absolutely above reproach, even for egregious misconduct or actual crime, and about whom they won't brook the slightest criticism. These are people the narcissists are terrified of, though they'll tell you that what they feel is love and respect; apparently they don't know the difference between fear and love. Narcissists just get worse and worse as they grow older; their parents and other authority figures that they've feared die off, and there's less and less outside influence to keep them in check. ^
Narcissists are hostile and ferocious in reaction, but they are generally passive and lacking in initiative. They don't start stuff -- they don't reach out. Remember this when they turn and rend you! They will complain about the same things for years on end, but only rarely do anything to change what dissatisfies them so badly. ^
Narcissists are naive and vulnerable, pathetic really, no matter how arrogant and forceful their words or demeanor. They have pretty good reasons for their paranoia and cynicism, their sneakiness, evasiveness, prevarications. This is the one I get suckered on. They are so out of touch with other people and what goes on around them that they are very susceptible to exploitation. On the other hand, they're so inattentive, and so disconnected from what other people are up to, that they don't recognize when someone is taking advantage of them. ^
Narcissists are grandiose. They live in an artificial self invented from fantasies of absolute or perfect power, genius, beauty, etc. Normal people's fantasies of themselves, their wishful thinking, take the form of stories -- these stories often come from movies or TV, or from things they've read or that were read to them as children. They involve a plot, heroic activity or great accomplishments or adventure: normal people see themselves in action, however preposterous or even impossible that action may be -- they see themselves doing things that earn them honor, glory, love, riches, fame, and they see these fantasy selves as personal potentials, however tenuous, something they'd do if they didn't have to go to school or go to work, if they had the time and the money.
As Freud said of narcissists, these people act like they're in love with themselves. And they are in love with an ideal image of themselves -- or they want you to be in love with their pretend self, it's hard to tell just what's going on. Like anyone in love, their attention and energy are drawn to the beloved and away from everyday practicalities. Narcissists' fantasies are static -- they've fallen in love with an image in a mirror or, more accurately, in a pool of water, so that movement causes the image to dissolve into ripples; to see the adored reflection they must remain perfectly still. Narcissists' fantasies are tableaux or scenes, stage sets; narcissists are hung up on a particular picture that they think reflects their true selves (as opposed to the real self -- warts and all). Narcissists don't see themselves doing anything except being adored, and they don't see anyone else doing anything except adoring them. Moreover, they don't see these images as potentials that they may some day be able to live out, if they get lucky or everything goes right: they see these pictures as the real way they want to be seen right now (which is not the same as saying they think these pictures are the way they really are right now, but that is another story to be discussed elsewhere). Sometimes narcissistic fantasies are spectacularly grandiose -- imagining themselves as Jesus or a saint or hero or deity depicted in art -- but just as often the fantasies of narcissists are mediocre and vulgar, concocted from illustrations in popular magazines, sensational novels, comic books even. These artificial self fantasies are also static in time, going back unchanged to early adolescence or even to childhood; the narcissists' self-images don't change with time, so that you will find, for instance, female narcissists clinging to retro styles, still living the picture of the perfect woman of 1945 or 1965 as depicted in The Ladies' Home Journal or Seventeen or Vogue of that era, and male narcissists still hung up on images of comic-book or ripping adventure heroes from their youth. Though narcissists like pictures rather than stories, they like still pictures, not moving ones, so they don't base their fantasies on movies or TV.
Grandiosity can take various forms -- a narcissistic woman may believe herself to be the very model of perfect womanhood, the standard by which all others are measured, and she will try to force her daughters to be just like her, she will not be able to cope with daughters who are taller or shorter than she is, fatter or thinner, who have bigger or smaller feet, breasts, teeth, who have different favorite colors than hers, etc. Narcissistic men can be infatuated with their own looks, too, (witness John Cheever, for instance; Almost Perfect) but are more likely than women to get hung up on their intelligence or the importance of their work -- doesn't matter what the work is, if he's doing it, by definition it's more important than anything you could possibly do. Narcissists I've known also have odd religious ideas, in particular believing that they are God's special favorites somehow; God loves them, so they are exempted from ordinary rules and obligations: God loves them and wants them to be the way they are, so they can do anything they feel like -- though, note, the narcissist's God has much harsher rules for everyone else, including you. [Many readers have questions about narcissism and religion. Here is an interesting article on the Web: "Narcissism Goes to Church: Encountering Evangelical Worship" by Monte Wilson. "Modern American Christianity is filled with the spirit of narcissism. We are in love with ourselves and evaluate churches, ministers and truth-claims based upon how they make us feel about ourselves. If the church makes me feel wanted, it is a good church. If the minister makes me feel good about myself, he is a terrific guy. If the proffered truth supports my self-esteem, it is, thereby, verified."] [More on grandiosity.] ^
Narcissists have little sense of humor. They don't get jokes, not even the funny papers or simple riddles, and they don't make jokes, except for sarcastic cracks and the lamest puns. This is because, lacking empathy, they don't get the context and affect of words or actions, and jokes, humor, comedy depend entirely on context and affect. They specialize in sarcasm about others and mistake it for wit, but, in my experience, narcissists are entirely incapable of irony -- thus, I've been chagrinned more than once to discover that something I'd taken as an intentional pose or humorous put-on was, in fact, something the narcissist was totally serious about. Which is to say that they come mighty close to parody in their pretensions and pretending, so that they can be very funny without knowing it, but you'd better not let on that you think so. [Interestingly, this is the only trait on this list about which there seems to be any controversy. Maybe I've just been unlucky! I've known narcissists who'll make fun of others, repeat jokes they've heard others laugh at, and laugh at jokes when others laugh, but knowing how to make people laugh is not necessarily the same as having a sense of humor.] ^
Narcissists have a weird sense of time. It's more or less like they are not aware that the passage of time changes things, or maybe they just aren't aware of time's passing at all. Years can pass without touching narcissists. Narcissists often look, or think they look, significantly younger than they are; this youthful appearance is a point of pride to them, and some will emphasize it by either preserving the styles of their golden youth or following the styles of people the age they feel they "really" are. That their faces don't show their chronological age is a good sign that they haven't been living real lives with real life's wear and tear on the looks of normal people. The narcissists' years have passed without touching them. Bear in mind that narcissistic adults have had decades of not being in synch with the times or with other people, so that by now they are really out of it. Sometimes it just seems like they have a highly selective memory -- which, of course, they do, sort of; they pay attention only to what has their name in it in the first place, so after 30 or 40 years, you shouldn't be surprised to hear a narcissist say something like, "Didn't the Beatles have a couple of hit songs while we were in high school?" or to suddenly discover that the narcissist doesn't know that M&M's have little m's on them or that smallpox was eradicated over 20 years ago. They are not being ironic: they really don't know. They were off in their own little world of fantastic perfection. On the other hand, as far as I've seen, all that stuff really is in there, but is accessible only intermittently or unpredictably. Narcissists ordinarily have spotty memories, with huge and odd gaps in their recollections; they may say that they don't remember their childhoods, etc., and apparently most of the time they don't. But they will have sudden accesses of memory, triggered by God knows what, when they remember details, everybody's names, what people were wearing, why the people in that picture from 1950 are standing the way they are, what the weather was like, etc. -- in other words, every once in a while, their memories will be normal. But don't count on it. ^
Narcissists are totally and inflexibly authoritarian. In other words, they are suck-ups. They want to be authority figures and, short of that, they want to be associated with authority figures. In their hearts, they know they can't think well, have no judgment about what matters, are not connected with the world they inhabit, so they cling fanatically to the opinions of people they regard as authority figures -- such as their parents, teachers, doctors, ministers. Where relevant, this may include scientists or professors or artists, but narcissists stick to people they know personally, since they aren't engaged enough with the world to get their authoritative opinions from TV, movies, books or dead geniuses/saints/heroes. If they get in trouble over some or another opinion they've put forth, they'll blame the source -- "It was okay with Dr. Somebody," "My father taught me that," etc. If you're still thinking of the narcissist as odd-but-normal, this shirking of responsibility will seem dishonest and craven -- well, it is but it's really an admission of weakness: they really mean it: they said what they said because someone they admire or fear said it and they're trying to borrow that person's strength. ^
Narcissists have strange work habits. Normal people work for a goal or a product, even if the goal is only a paycheck. Normal people measure things by how much they have to spend (in time, work, energy) to get the desired results. Normal people desire idleness from time to time, usually wanting as much free time as they can get to pursue their own thoughts and pleasures and interests. Narcissists work for a goal, too, but it's a different goal: they want power, authority, adulation. Lacking empathy, and lacking also context and affect, narcissists don't understand how people achieve glory and high standing; they think it's all arbitrary, it's all appearances, it's all who you know. So they try to attach themselves to people who already have what they want, meanwhile making a great show of working hard. Narcissists can put in a shocking amount of time to very little effect. This is partly because they have so little empathy that they don't know why some work is valued more highly than other work, why some people's opinions carry more weight than others'. They do know that you're supposed to work and not be lazy, so they keep themselves occupied. But they are not invested in the work they do -- whatever they may produce is just something they have to do to get the admiration and power they crave. Since this is so, they really don't pay attention to what they're doing, preferring the easiest thing at every turn, even though they may be constantly occupied, so that narcissists manage to be workaholics and extremely lazy at the same time. Narcissists measure the worth of their work only by how much time they spend on it, not by what they produce. They want to get an A for Effort. Narcissists lack empathy, so they don't know what others value or why. Narcissists tend to value things in quantitative ways and in odd quantities at that -- they'll tell you how many inches of letters they received, but not how many letters or from how many correspondents; they know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
A narcissist may, in fact, hold himself to a grinding work schedule that gives him something like an addictive high so that, when wrought up, he can be sort of dazed, giddy, and groggy, making you wonder if he's drunk or otherwise intoxicated -- now, that's a real workaholic. Usually, this excessive busyness appears to be -- and some will even tell you this -- an attempt to distract themselves from unpleasant or inconvenient feelings (i.e., it's a manic defense against depression -- and, note, with narcissists it's inaccurate to use "happy" or "unhappy" because their feelings are just not that differentiated; "euphoria" or "dysphoria" are as close as they get to ordinary pleasure or distress) or to make themselves unavailable to others' emotional needs. ^
Narcissists feel entitled to whatever they can take. They expect privileges and indulgences, and they also feel entitled to exploit other people without any trace of reciprocation. ^
Some narcissists spend extravagantly in order to impress people, keep up grandiose pretentions, or buy favorable treatment, and some narcissists overspend, bankrupt themselves, and lose everything. My personal experience is that narcissists are stingy, mean, frugal, niggardly to the point of eccentricity. This is a person who won't spend $1.50 on a greeting card but will instead send you an advertising flyer that came with the newspaper. This is a person who will be very conscious of her appearance but will dress herself and her children in used clothes and other people's cast-offs. [Note: Thrift is not in itself a narcissistic trait; neither is a fondness for old clothes. The important element here is that the narcissist buys clothes that other people she admires and wishes to emulate have already picked out, since she has no individual tastes or preferences.] These are people who need labels or trademarks (or other signs of authority) to distinguish between the real thing and a cheap knock-off or imitation, and so will substitute something easy and cheap for something precious and dear and expect nobody else to know the difference, since they can't. These are people who can tell you how many miles but not how many smiles.
Narcissists are not only selfish and ungiving -- they seem to have to make a point of not giving what they know someone else wants. Thus, for instance, in a "romantic" relationship, they will want you to do what they want because they want it and not because you want it -- and, in fact, if you actually want to do what they want, then that's too much like sharing and you wreck their fun and they don't want it anymore. They want to get what they want from you without giving you what you want from them. Period. If you should happen to want to give what they want to get, then they'll lose interest in you. ^
Something I had not connected with narcissism until I read about Reactive Attachment Disorder is that narcissists I've known have had unusual eating habits or appetites, including eating match heads, dry cake mix, chicken bones, raw meat, dog kibble, egg mash, bits of paper, wood pencils; some binge or gorge on ordinary foods, others seem always to be on one or another self-imposed, self-invented eccentric dietary regime. This behavior does not seem to have much in the way of affective component compared to, say, "normal" eating disorders. ^
Narcissists are very disappointing as gift-givers. This is not a trivial consideration in personal relationships. I've seen narcissistic people sweetly solicit someone's preferences ("Go ahead -- tell me what you really want"), make a show of paying attention to the answer ("Don't you think I'm nice?"), and then deliver something other than what was asked for -- and feel abused and unappreciated when someone else gets gratitude for fulfilling the very request that the narcissist evoked in the first place. I've seen this happen often, where narcissists will go out of their way to stir up other people's expectations and then go out of their way to disappoint those expectations. It seems like a lot of pointless work to me.
First, narcissists lack empathy, so they don't know what you want or like and, evidently, they don't care either; second, they think their opinions are better and more important than anyone else's, so they'll give you what they think you ought to want, regardless of what you may have said when asked what you wanted for your birthday; third, they're stingy and will give as gifts stuff that's just lying around their house, such as possessions that they no longer have any use for, or -- in really choice instances -- return to you something that was yours in the first place. In fact, as a practical matter, the surest way NOT to get what you want from a narcissist is to ask for it; your chances are better if you just keep quiet, because every now and then the narcissist will hit on the right thing by random accident. ^
It's very hard to have a simple, uncomplicated good time with a narcissist. Except for odd spells of heady euphoria unrelated to anything you can see, their affective range is mediocre-fake-normal to hell-on-Earth. They will sometimes lie low and be quiet, actually passive and dependent -- this is as good as it gets with narcissists. They are incapable of loving conduct towards anyone or anything, so they do not have the capacity for simple pleasure, beyond the satisfaction of bodily needs. There is only one way to please a narcissist (and it won't please you): that is to indulge their every whim, cater to their tiniest impulses, bend to their views on every little thing. There's only one way to get decent treatment from narcissists: keep your distance. They can be pretty nice, even charming, flirtatious, and seductive, to strangers, and will flatter you shamelessly if they want something from you. When you attempt to get close to them in a normal way, they feel you are putting emotional pressure on them and they withdraw because you're too demanding. They can be positively fawning and solicitous as long as they're afraid of you, which is not most people's idea of a real fun relationship.
I always have the problem that I get fed up and stay away from THEM long enough to forget exactly what the trouble was, then they come around again, and every narcissist I've known actually was quite lovable about half the time so I try it again. A clue: Run for cover when they start acting normal, maybe expressing a becoming self-doubt or even acknowledging some little fault of their own, such as saying they now realize that they haven't treated you right or that they took advantage of you before. They're just softening you up for something really nasty. These people are geniuses of "Come closer so I can slap you." Except that's not the way they think about it, if they think about it -- no, they're thinking, "Well, maybe you do really care about me, and, if you really care about me, then maybe you'll help me with this," only by "help" they mean do the whole thing, take total responsibility for it, including protecting and defending them and cleaning up the mess they've already made of it (which they will neglect to fill you in on because they haven't really been paying attention, have they, so how would they know??). They will not have considered for one second how much of your time it will take, how much trouble it may get you into in their behalf, that they will owe you BIG for this -- no, you're just going to do it all out of the goodness of your heart, which they are delighted to exploit yet again, and your virtue will be its own reward: it's supposed to just tickle you pink to be offered this generous opportunity of showing how much you love them and/or how lucky you are to be the servant of such a luminous personage. No lie -- they think other people do stuff for the same reason they do: to show off, to perform for an audience. That's one of the reasons they make outrageous demands, put you on the spot and create scenes in public: they're being generous -- they're trying to share the spotlight with you by giving you the chance to show off how absolutely stunningly devoted-to-them you are. It means that they love you; that's why they're hurt and bewildered when you angrily reject this invitation. ^
Appearances are all there is with narcissists -- and their self-hatred knows no bounds. The most dramatic example I can think of is from John Cheever's journals. Throughout his life he had pursued surreptitious homosexual activities, being transiently infatuated with young men who reminded him of himself in his youth, while also living in a superficially settled way as a married family man, a respected writer with an enviable suburban life, breeding pedigreed dogs and serving on the vestry of the Episcopal church. When his secret life (going to New York City for a few days every now and then to pick up sailors and other beautiful boys for brief flings) came to scandalous light, his family sought to reassure him by telling him that they'd known about his homosexual activities for years. Now, a normal person would be ashamed and embarrassed but also relieved and grateful that scandal, not to mention chronic emotional and marital infidelity, had not caused his wife and children to reject and abandon him -- but not the narcissist! Oh, no, Cheever was enraged that they would ever have thought such a thing of him -- if they really loved him, they'd have bought his artificial "country squire" persona: they would have seen him as he wished to be seen: they would have believed his lies without question or doubt. ^
Narcissists don't volunteer the usual personal information about themselves, so they may seem secretive or perhaps unusually reserved or very jealous of their privacy. All these things are true, but with the special narcissistic twist that, first, their real life isn't interesting to them so it doesn't occur to them that it would be interesting to anyone else and, second, since they have not yet been transfigured into the Star of the Universe, they're ashamed of their real life. They feel that their jobs, their friends and families, their homes and possessions aren't good enough for them, they deserve better. ^
Narcissists not only don't recognize the feelings and autonomy of others, they don't recognize their own feelings as their own. Their feelings are sort of like the weather, atmospheric, acts of God. The narcissistic think that everyone's having the same feeling as they are. This means that usually their own pain means nothing to them beyond the physical discomfort -- it has no affective component. When they do get some painful affect, they think that God is punishing them -- they think that their trivial errors are worth God's specific attention to their punishment. If you try to straighten them out, by telling them that your feelings are different, beware: their idea of sharing their feelings is to do or say something that makes you feel the way they're feeling and, as they make a point of not sharing anything desirable, you can expect something really nasty. The sad fact seems to be that narcissists feel just as bad about themselves as they make others feel about them. ^
Narcissists are noted for their negative, pessimistic, cynical, or gloomy outlook on life. Sarcasm seems to be a narcissistic specialty, not to mention spite. Lacking love and pleasure, they don't have a good reason for anything they do and they think everyone else is just like them, except they're honest and the rest of us are hypocrites. Nothing real is ever perfect enough to satisfy them, so are they are constantly complaining and criticizing -- to the point of verbal abuse and insult. ^
Narcissists are impulsive. They undo themselves by behavior that seems oddly stupid for people as intelligent as they are. Somehow, they don't consider the probable consequences of their actions. It's not clear to me whether they just expect to get away with doing anything they feel like at the moment or whether this impulsiveness is essentially a cognitive shortcoming deriving from the static psychic state with its distorted perception of time. ^
Narcissists hate to live alone. Their inner resources are skimpy, static, and sterile, nothing interesting or attractive going on in their hearts and minds, so they don't want to be stuck with themselves. All they have inside is the image of perfection that, being mere mortals like the rest of us, they will inevitably fall short of attaining. ^

OM Shanti

Monday, November 1, 2010

Realization - Shifting - Settling From Mind to No-Mind


There is a process after Realization where the journey has just begun
to it's new phase of Shifting - Settling - Pulling up - pulling out and
cauterizing the remaining seeds that may once again take root and
grow to occlude the fullness of Realization. The first falling away or
glimpse is not the end - it's just the start. What is the path from that
point on ? Staying steady - continuing to be vigilant - allowing the
roots to be fully cut.

Does mind continue to revolve and spin after Realization ? The mind is like a
machine that has been turning and revolving for quite sometime and
it may have some subsequent motion for a time after Realization. This
is the time where one must be Most Diligent to not fuel the fires of mind.
Mind must eventually Slow and Still into that Ever Present Being for
Realization to be fully present.

The mind Does fall away when One remains Immersed in the
Unchanging Reality. Thoughts are the realm of the transient
and changing projection of the dream. Ramana sat immersed
in the Quietude of Stilled Awareness of that Ever Present
Absolute, as there is nothing that the world holds that can
overshadow the Absolutes Presence of Reality. When mind
is divided it may bounce back and forth for a time UNTIL the
Quietude and Stillness of Presence usurps the throne of the
delusion of ego as being primary reality. Until this takes place
there is a shifting back and forth from witness state to Being.

The pull of duality is strong and it's spell is eventually broken.

When all has fallen away the mind slows and the thoughts dissolve.
At most some stray and random flotsum may appear on occasion
but that is the exception rather than the rule. It's just another
dream within a dream and nothing more.

There are shifts that occur as settling takes place and the last of
the threads or potential threads that create and sustain the ego
illusion are cut and cauterized. Its not over until the mind has
Stilled and died into the Reality versus still chasing and being
enamored of the dream.

OM Shanti